So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
