I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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