I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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