dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
