She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
