So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
