tell your sister to shave her snatch
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I want a musical about memes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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