So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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