Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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