We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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