guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
