I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I will be naked everywhere
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
