so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
