I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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