Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
