Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
