Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
