my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
