we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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