Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
