I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
