ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
