I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
