A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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