just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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