every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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