I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
