There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
