An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
