do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
