I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
