I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
