I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
