I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
