i just wanna soil my oats bro
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
