i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
