i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
