I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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