3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
