woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
