I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
wow bdsm is so cute
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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