Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
