guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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