So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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