speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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