Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
