if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
