Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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