i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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