Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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