I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I faked an abortion last night.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No I am not eating basil off your cock
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
