i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I will be naked everywhere
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
