Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
