Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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