this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
