He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
