Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
