Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
